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Spotted here: imgur.com/UT5fXoD

lyrics

Sitting upon the toilet, with my irritable bowel,
Considering my existence, as my intestines growl,
My stomach is distended, because I am filled with gas,
And I am, stuck here, waiting, for this agony to pass.

Will I be here for hours? Well that would be just my luck,
A lengthy wait is all I need. I should have brought a book.
I should have brought a library, the often times I’m here,
Enhance my education, whilst I’m stuck upon my rear.

But what if I am needed, whilst I’m sitting on the throne,
For thought this need is urgent, it wouldn’t be right to phone,
I’ll just have to stay off grid, like I’m stuck in solitary,
For I’m endlessly imprisoned, in this damned lavatory*.

Will I be constipated? Or will I get diarrhoea?
Will I know when I have finished?
This is my nagging fear.
To decide when I should stand up, is something I must guess,
But an ill-timed rise to action, will cause a dreadful mess.

I could, perhaps, just risk it, and rapidly take my leave,
But I will get in trouble, if my guess I misconceive,
So I’m reigned to sit here, whatever this day will bring,
With my buttocks, ever branded, by this cursed toilet ring.

*I’d probably think it needlessly harsh recording a crap poem (pun NOT intended) about IBS, but he deserves it for trying to force lavatory to rhyme with solitary. You can make them rhyme, but then the poem doesn’t fucking scan properly. FFS

credits

from Chip Butty, and Other Crap Poems Recited Over Sad Piano Music, released April 20, 2020
Words by M.S. Harvey, who needed to tell the world about his pooping in more detail than anyone could have ever desired. I'm personally looking forward to his follow up acrostic poem based entirely on the Bristol Stool Chart.

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KrisWhoMakesMusic Dunstable, UK

A currently furloughed customer service worker who enjoys recording stuff

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